More Finger-wagging Guilt for "Meat Guzzlers" like Me

Another day, another stupidly superior-sounding and patently offensive attempt by the pseudo-moralistic do-gooder killjoys trying to regulate MY life and choices.

This time, I give you the New York Times, trying to tell me that I shouldn't eat meat because of *insert endless list of pietistic reasons, including the inevitable "meat causes global warming" argument.*

The news story actually uses the word "meat-guzzler"! And it does this with the same unbridled condescension and contempt it uses for talking about large cars as "gas-guzzlers." Apparently I, your humble blog hostess, am a monster of multiple perversions because I love a good steak. Not only am I a murderer of animals (see PETA, naturally), but I am also heartlessly destroying the world in my pursuit of the perfect prime rib or yummy pork chop. Oh, yes, the eco-acolytes of Gaia and the Goracle will come and haul me away, forcing me to eat nothing but locally grown, organically planted alfalfa sprouts until I'm cured of my carnivorous sinning ways.

I cannot TELL you how much I absolutely hate, despise, and abominate these culinary crusades that are being mounted by the ever-increasing phalanxes of the prowling food fascist police!

You just wait: in a dystopian vision of the future, there will be entire squads of food police patrolling the streets and bursting into people's homes to look for contraband, forbidden food items. Some bloated nanny government will be watching...and somewhere some really bad nanny state may well ban all meat and meat production in its borders in the name of the "greater good" of "saving the world." I won't be surprised if laws get passed to FINE me for possession of *insert food item.*

In the name of eco-morality and whatnot, these petty tyrants have been trying to tell me what to do on every conceivable level of personal choice and action -- including, lest we all forget, the spectacle of eco-singer Sheryl Crow trying to tell me (and you too) that we should only use 1 square of toilet paper per visit to the W.C.

God save us from people on moral crusades!

Meanwhile, my reply to the meat-preachers is the same as my reply to the people who want to ban cupcakes, the people who want to restrict ice cream, and certainly to the same people who want to dump guilt on me because I like buying imported food items.

YOU CAN HAVE MY DINNER WHEN YOU PRY IT OUT OF MY COLD, DEAD HAND!

Now, please pass the steak sauce.