Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Awesomeness: The Best Comment Thread Ever

Via Transterrestrial Musings comes this link. Oh, the actual blog post doesn't even matter. What you want is the comment thread on it. The first commenter left this statement:
As much as I hate the recent developments in airport “security”, I feel sorry for most TSA personel. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their a**. 
Aside from a couple of perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job. 
…and seriously, where are you going to go if the TSA fires you!?
In response to this silliness, other commenters left gems like these:
As much as I hate the recent developments on Alderran, I feel sorry for all those stormtroopers. They didn’t ask for any of this and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and wookie now hates their a**. 
Aside from a few real sith lords (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire Empire against their choosing, or being frozen in carbonite. 
And seriously, were are you going to go if you get choked to death on the bridge of a star destroyer?
***
As much as I hate the recent developments in Mordor, I feel sorry for most Orcs. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man (and dwarf, elf, and hobbit) and his dog now hates their a**. 
Aside from a few Uruk-hai (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire hoarde against their choosing or being eaten by their comrades. 
And seriously, where are you going to go if Sauron loses the War of the Ring?
***
As much as I hate recent developments in the time-space continuum, I feel sorry for most Daleks. They didn’t ask for any of this. They probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Time Lord and his K-9 hates their a**. 
Aside from a couple of Skaro cultists, most of these guys get to choose between “Exterminate! Exterminate!,” or losing their jobs to Cybermen. 
And seriously, where are you going to go if The Doctor shows up in his TARDIS?
***
As much as I hate the recent developments at Initech, I feel sorry for Lumburgh. He didn’t ask for any of this. He probably realizes how pointless his work is, and how Michael, Samir, and Peter now hate his a**. 
Aside from efficiency experts and consultants who love to fire people (and are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of the people at Initech get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or being downsized. 
And seriously, where are you going to work after Initech? Flingers?
The entire comment thread is full of comedy gold.  It's delightfully smart comedy gold too for the most part, with references ranging all over pop culture and history and literature and current events to include, among other things, the Battle of Rorke's Drift, Château d’If, Beowulf, and the emperor Nero.  My absolute favorite two, though, are after the fold.




As muche as I hayte yon recente developments in Sherwood, sorrye feel I for aught but a few of the Sheriff’s bailiffs. Nary did they seek for aught of this, they likely as not realyze just how tainted of glory theyr queste hath become. Yea, every Saxon and his cur now hateth theyr verrye sitting parts. 
Save a brace of “verrye merrye men” (theye who are like to be found where e’er thou goest), most men-at-arms can but choose betwixt rolling with the entirety of the thynge, yet it be not of their choosing, or the rolling of theyr heads. 
…and consider ye with sober and modest thought, whence canst thou goest if the Sheriff cast thee into his dungeon!?
***
As much as I hate the recent developments in Camelot, I feel sorry for most knights of the round table. They didn’t ask for the holy grail, they probably realize just how pointless their quest is, and every man and his minstrel now hates their a**. 
Aside from a couple of naughty nuns wanting discipline (who we hope are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or be mashed into a pulp, or to have their eyes gouged out, and their elbows broken, to have their kneecaps split, and their body burned away, and their limbs all hacked and mangled, their head smashed in and heart cut out, and their liver removed, and their bowels unplugged, and their nostrils raped and their bottom burned off and their…. 
…and seriously, where are you going to go if your castle burns down, falls over, then sinks into the swamp.!?
BRAVO!

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