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HEH.

Movie Review: "The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies"

"Will you follow me one last time?"

Thorin Oakenshield asks the other dwarves this question, and it might as well be director Peter Jackson asking his now-exhausted audience to finish his seemingly interminable Hobbit trilogy. By the time my friends and I went to the theatre on opening weekend, I was mentally prepared to slog through the final installment not because I was actually excited to see it, but because I wanted to finish it and get it over with already. I felt pretty much like I did when I went to go see the last Star Wars prequel. Thank goodness the Hobbit finale is better than that, though prequel fatigue set in with a vengeance, and it was not helped by the news that Jackson had included a battle sequence that lasts 45 minutes. There is one point in the movie when something ludicrous happens, prompting a character to burst out with mingled disbelief and annoyance, "Come ON!" and the audience can't help but agree wholeheartedly.

Stephen Colbert Interviews Smaug

THIS IS FREAKING AMAZING.

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LOL: Smaug on Twitter

I'm not sure what's funnier: the fact that some wag is on Twitter tweeting in the guise of Tolkien's dragon or that he can come up with things like this:

why is everyone so mad about people putting animals on vegan diets like heck yeah feed your animals all the vegans you can find
— Smaug (@actual_smaug) January 20, 2014

Friday Fun Videos: Thug Notes

This is some kind of brilliant.  The video series covers a gloriously wide array of famous literary works from Shakespeare to Orwell.  Here's the Thug Notes take on The Hobbit.  Don't be fooled by the fun of it all; the analyses are often very insightful indeed.

Lord of the LEGO!

Check out this amazing re-creation of the Helm's Deep with 150,000 bricks and 2000 minifigs!  All the incredible detail is documented here on Flickr.

Movie Trailer: "The Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug"

Movie Review: "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" (2012)

Put a ring on it.

Peter Jackson manages to avoid repeating George Lucas' grossest errors in prequel-formation as he takes us back to Middle Earth in an imperfect, overly long film that is still worth the price of admission for the simultaneously humorous and horrifying contest of riddles between Bilbo Baggins and Gollum.

LOL: Tolkien + One Direction = ?

The Hobbit is now in theaters, so let's have some fun with Tolkien and a certain pop song.  Now the last time that I mentioned UK boy band One Direction, it was not a happy occasion, but I promise this time is different!  Caveat: the song is darn catchy earwormy goodness.

 

LOL: An Honest Look at "Lord of the Rings"

LOL: LEGO Battle of Helm's Deep

LOL: New York City as Tolkienesque Map

Look carefully for all the jokes. Don't miss the reference to a certain New Jersey governor too!

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Friday Fun Video: Andy Serkis as Gollum

My precioussssssssssssssssssss!  It's time to start obsessing (or re-obsessing, as it were) about The Hobbit.

 

I Didn't Know Hobbits Lived in Wales

Did you?

Frequent Flyer Miles Do Not Apply

Since some of you might be traveling for the Labor Day holiday weekend, here's a travel guide to 10 fictional worlds.  Bon voyage, kids!

Awesomeness: The Best Comment Thread Ever

Via Transterrestrial Musings comes this link. Oh, the actual blog post doesn't even matter. What you want is the comment thread on it. The first commenter left this statement:

As much as I hate the recent developments in airport “security”, I feel sorry for most TSA personel. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and his dog now hates their a**. 

Aside from a couple of perverts (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or losing their job. 

…and seriously, where are you going to go if the TSA fires you!?

In response to this silliness, other commenters left gems like these:

As much as I hate the recent developments on Alderran, I feel sorry for all those stormtroopers. They didn’t ask for any of this and they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man and wookie now hates their a**. 

Aside from a few real sith lords (who are to be found pretty much everywhere) most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire Empire against their choosing, or being frozen in carbonite. 

And seriously, were are you going to go if you get choked to death on the bridge of a star destroyer?
***
As much as I hate the recent developments in Mordor, I feel sorry for most Orcs. They didn’t ask for any of this, they probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every man (and dwarf, elf, and hobbit) and his dog now hates their a**. 

Aside from a few Uruk-hai (who are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of these guys get to choose between rolling with the entire hoarde against their choosing or being eaten by their comrades. 

And seriously, where are you going to go if Sauron loses the War of the Ring?
***
As much as I hate recent developments in the time-space continuum, I feel sorry for most Daleks. They didn’t ask for any of this. They probably realize just how pointless their work is, and every Time Lord and his K-9 hates their a**. 

Aside from a couple of Skaro cultists, most of these guys get to choose between “Exterminate! Exterminate!,” or losing their jobs to Cybermen. 

And seriously, where are you going to go if The Doctor shows up in his TARDIS?
***
As much as I hate the recent developments at Initech, I feel sorry for Lumburgh. He didn’t ask for any of this. He probably realizes how pointless his work is, and how Michael, Samir, and Peter now hate his a**. 

Aside from efficiency experts and consultants who love to fire people (and are to be found pretty much everywhere), most of the people at Initech get to choose between rolling with the entire thing against their choosing or being downsized. 

And seriously, where are you going to work after Initech? Flingers?

The entire comment thread is full of comedy gold.  It's delightfully smart comedy gold too for the most part, with references ranging all over pop culture and history and literature and current events to include, among other things, the Battle of Rorke's Drift, Château d’If, Beowulf, and the emperor Nero.  My absolute favorite two, though, are after the fold.

The BiblioFiles: Revising Bad Guys into Good Guys

Here's something interesting.  I had mentioned the Tolkien-overturning Russian book The Last Ringbearer here.

Middle Earth from Mordor's Perspective

A massive work of Russian fan fic sympathizes with the baddies.  Should be interesting!

Movie Madness: Books Versus Movie Adaptations

Are some movie adaptations of books better than the source books themselves?  Here is a list of 10 candidates. Let the debates rage!  I add Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight."  As soon I read the book, I declared a pre-emptive victory for the movie because "frankly, there's no way that it could reek more than the book."  (As it happened, I was right.)

Movie Madness: Martin Freeman Is Bilbo Baggins

AND THERE WAS GREAT REJOICING IN THE LAND!  Freeman will be perfect; just remember his fine performance in the original British "Office," his turn as Arthur Dent in the "Hitchhiker's Guide" movie, and his Dr. Watson in the new BBC modern-day Sherlock Holmes.  For even more nerd movie joy, take a look at the rest of the announced cast of Peter Jackson's Hobbit flick.