A Twitter-riffic Beclowning: #Trudeaueulogies

First came the silly utterance. Then comes the Twitter mockery.  There's nothing quite as entertaining as watching an overhyped public figure shoot himself in the foot.

The Day After

Well, I gotta admit, I was not expecting that! Trump carried Pennsylvania? Michigan?

The wailing, gnashing of teeth, and the wearing of sackcloth and ashes by distraught Hillary fans proceeds apace around me, but let's get real here: she was a deeply - and, in the end, fatally - flawed candidate. As the incomparable Iowahawk said:

Hillary Clinton got her dream opponent, a barely literate reality show orangutan, AND SHE LOST TO HIM.

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) November 9, 2016

Also, it turns out that smugly, contemptuously belittling, insulting, demeaning, stereotyping, alienating, mocking, and occasionally outright demonizing an entire segment of the American public and then expecting those "deplorables" to vote for you ... doesn't actually work. (Shoot, even a leftist paper like the Guardian figured it out. See this too.)

As for me, I'm just glad that the absolute worst presidential election in living memory is finally over and that I can sort of stand to look myself in the mirror.

One more thing: Drink in the hysterical, disconsolate, Schadenfreudelicious tears of the media as it flings itself into a total meltdown.  It behaved horribly with naked bias throughout this entire business, and any good Greek tragedian would nod sagely to see that in so doing it chose the form of its destructor when it thought it was about to crown its anointed and sail into a paradise of influence peddling and cozying up to the halls of power. You made your bed. Now lie in it.

Still, let's end with a joke, shall we?  

From Rio: A Tale of Two Images in Sportsmanship

The Egyptian judoka refusing to shake his Israeli opponent's hand vs. the gymnasts from North and South Korea taking a selfie together.

🔴Deux images des @jeuxolympiques, deux volontés diamétralement opposées. #Rio2016
Vouloir faire la paix ou la guerre pic.twitter.com/4UCPXY4WEW

— Jean-Paul Ney (@jpney) August 12, 2016

The Few. The Proud. The Pokémon Trainers.

Look who's playing Pokémon Go!

Get off the firing line, Pikachu! That's a safety violation! pic.twitter.com/WilmXFBHlf

— U.S. Marines (@USMC) July 11, 2016

The Perfect Metaphor for 2016

Nothing that I could possibly write about Brexit or US politics or Venezuela or anything else (and all related mass hysteria on social media)  could be better than this image as a metaphor for the entire kit and kaboodle:

#Flood water pushes a burning #home down a creek in #WestVirginia. #wvwx
🎬 Amanda Carper pic.twitter.com/zJSMe95nLk

— AMHQ (@AMHQ) June 24, 2016

Stephen Fry vs. Twitter

Twitter isn't fun anymore. In fact, it's become a gigantic cesspool.  Occasionally I find something amusing on it (or about it), but that stalwart of British comedy Stephen Fry hits the bull's-eye with this commentary.  Here's an piece of it:

" ... let us grieve at what twitter has become.  A stalking ground for the sanctimoniously self-righteous who love to second-guess, to leap to conclusions and be offended – worse, to be offended on behalf of others they do not even know.  It’s as nasty and unwholesome a characteristic as can be imagined.  It doesn’t matter whether they think they’re defending women, men, transgender people, Muslims, humanists … the ghastliness is absolutely the same."

By the way, Twitter is complicit in its own degradation.

Movie Review: "Jurassic World" (2015)

LET THEM FIGHT. 

RAWR!  Jurassic World just had the biggest domestic box office opening weekend EVER, and right now it's the hottest thing to smash into the planet since the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs.  This movie is the roaring, stomping, jungle-crushing behemoth of the season, and even if it can't recapture the sheer thrilling novelty of the iconic 1993 flick, it will do just fine for a mega-blockbuster popcorn flick for Summer 2015.  Really, how can you lose with Steven Spielberg as producer, the latest in eye-popping special effects, and a Goliath Franken-saur that treats other dinosaurs as chew toys, never mind 20,000 tourists?  

The movie does have its flaws.  Lots of them.  I didn't care.  I pretty much ignored them except for indulging a few eye rolls, because I had sprinted to the theatre for two things and two things only.  I raced there to see (A) Chris Pratt wrangle velociraptors (my all-time favorite dinosaur!), and (B) all kinds of other prehistoric critters wreak ridiculous amounts of bloody havoc by land, sea, and air.  In terms of those two basic requirements, Jurassic World delivered.  Everything else is distraction and detail.  

A Tweet For Flag Day

I almost forgot!  June 14 is Flag Day. Of course the incomparable Iowahawk is on task:

#FlagDay PWN3D, haters pic.twitter.com/uM2a8gqnZw

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) June 14, 2015

LOL: Queensland Police Vs. Canadian Music

They gave us Celine, Nickelback & Bieber but we’ll still help with their PM's #G20 motorcade #nohardfeelings pic.twitter.com/7ZLSPF88TF
— QPS Media Unit (@QPSmedia) November 16, 2014

Holy Movie Review Pretending To Be Asinine Commentary, Batman!

Apparently Thomas Friedman is now quoting from The Dark Knight in an attempt to explain ISIS and Boko Haram.  An entire quarter of  his "analysis" is just lines from the movie. Dude, seriously?

Still, here's a retort worth repeating:

@AntDeRosa I swear to Zod that Friedman likely hasn't even seen Nolan's Batman films. ISIS is clearly Bane, not the Joker.
— Nicholas Slayton (@NSlayton) October 5, 2014

On the NFL's Behavioral Issues

The same people who helped drive Tim Tebow out of the nation's spotlight for being too "God-y" and nice are upset the NFL's full of thugs.
— Hugs n Kisses (@Coondawg68) September 20, 2014

LOL: Mars Explorers' Tweets Are Out Of This World

Howdy @MarsCuriosity ? Keep in touch. I'll be around.
— ISRO's Mars Orbiter (@MarsOrbiter) September 24, 2014

LOL: Tweets of the Scottish Independence Vote

@WhiteHouse @Jamie_Merrill NO one in Scotland gives a rats arse what BO thinks as he sits in a nation that broke away from the UK,idiot .
— Ian MacGregor (@macgregor63) September 17, 2014

By the way, the polls have closed in the Scottish referendum, and you can follow the vote-counting live here. 

"Should I stay or should I go?" - Scotland

UPDATE: Not going anywhere (which is the smart pragmatic move, frankly).

Best Commentary Yet On Obama's Messy ISIS Speech

"This speech is supposed to be about ISIS but idk Wtf I'm doing there so lemme talk about the economy and Ebola" #whatobamameant
— Emily (@EmilyChanda) September 10, 2014

@derekahunter "we are all dumber for having heard that"
— Mike Nelson (@mikenelson586) September 11, 2014

3 Definitions of the Obama Doctrine

Admittedly, this is a rather difficult endeavour because it's trying to do a definition by default given that the administration seems to have no coherent pro-active strategic vision.  "Leading from behind" does NOT count.  Anyway, what do you think of:

(1) Definition the First

The Obama Doctrine is to ignore problems until they metastasize into vast international crises, then react with an ineffective spasm of concern. In this, the President has been consistent, be it Libya, Egypt, Boko Haram or Ukraine. The truly serious situations get a Twitter hashtag.

(2) Definition the Second

Asked seven years ago if the need to stave off potential genocide might convince him to change his mind about a total and precipitous withdrawal of American troops from Iraq, then-candidate Obama replied that it would not. “Well, look, if that’s the criteria by which we are making decisions on the deployment of U.S. forces, then by that argument you would have 300,000 troops in the Congo right now — where millions have been slaughtered as a consequence of ethnic strife — which we haven’t done,” Obama said. 

This cynical avowal, I wrote at the time, was an indication of what might become the “Obama doctrine,” which I described thusly: “The United States will remain passive in the face of genocide.” Seven years later, I regret to say, my prediction stands up pretty well.

(3) Definition the Third (OK, not so much definition as observation)

US respnse 2 Syria,Russia,Iraq: 1)Huh? 2)We're watching this closely 3)With concern. 4)Hey, stop- 5)We won't tolerate that! 6)Mmm. Whatever.
— Rosa Brooks (@brooks_rosa) June 13, 2014

New Front-Runner For Stupidest Utterance of the Year

I had thought the "libertarians are power-hungry Communists" piece was pretty unassailable as the dumbest, most ludicrous piece of the year, but I think we have a new front-runner. Via Twitchy, I point you to this: "What ISIS gets wrong about the Caliphate."  Seriously?  A bunch of Western libs messing around on the Internet is going to "explain" to ISIS how they're doing it wrong?

What ISIS gets wrong about the Caliphate: http://t.co/ApPLMNmM9n
— Ezra Klein (@ezraklein) August 8, 2014

As for the "article" itself, it's so badly written in terms of style (let's not even touch substance) that I laughed. Here's an example:

The present-day Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, in declaring himself a caliph and his terrorist mini-state a caliphate, is communicating that he believes he is fighting on behalf of all Muslims worldwide (he does not count Shia Muslims in this, only Sunnis) and that he is the representative of God on earth. He is also sort of suggesting a desire to continue ISIS's advance until he has conquered all Muslim-majority lands, which is an aspiration that's hinted at frequently in jihadist maps of a unified Islamic empire ...

This is freshman-level writing.  At best.  

Subversive LOLs

Smile and laugh on, you gorgeous women of Turkey!

Awesome: The First Space Selfie!

Did you know I took the first space selfie during Gemini 12 mission in 1966? BEST SELFIE EVER http://t.co/JfPAiVXmLk pic.twitter.com/DuwDXvcDmp
— Buzz Aldrin (@TheRealBuzz) July 19, 2014

World Cup 2014: Germany Wins It All!

Die Mannschaft beat Argentina 1-0 and the Germans are now the Weltmeister.  I was also amused by the various sartorial antics of the fans, not to mention this comment on the president of the hilariously corrupt FIFA and his companions:

Angela Merkel at the World Cup with a venal, authoritarian leader. And Vladimir Putin is there too. pic.twitter.com/otQ2nskfG5
— Shashank Joshi (@shashj) July 13, 2014

Since this IS 2014 and no event is complete without a selfie or two, here you go. The selfie game is strong with this one.

AHA! pic.twitter.com/iK5hbfm7Hr
— Lukas-Podolski.com (@Podolski10) July 13, 2014

Selfie 2…:-) pic.twitter.com/RJh7RnXXUw
— Lukas-Podolski.com (@Podolski10) July 13, 2014

Congratulations to the Germans!

UPDATE: The Onion comments hilariously.

World Cup 2014: Brazil Was Die Mannschaft-ed 7-1

You don't have to like soccer to appreciate the historic moment in sports history.  You don't even have to like sports to appreciate the epic quality of the German victory.  The match happened yesterday, but it's taken this long for the results to sink in.  At the time, all that my buddies and I felt was shock and disbelief ... and we were cheering for Germany!  Even the great Beckenbauer tweeted, "What was that? Hard to believe."

Was war das? Kaum zu glauben #BRAGER
— Franz Beckenbauer (@beckenbauer) July 8, 2014

I thought the match was going to be a tough fight that Brazil would barely win in the end given the absence of injured Neymar.  I wasn't expecting a brutal 7-1 beatdown that looked as if the Brazilians were a Little League team going up against the New York Yankees.  As the demoralized Brazilians completely collapsed in appalling fashion, the rampant Germans scored 5 times in the first half hour, and there are no words for this:

UPDATE: I had linked to a Vine of the first 5 goals, but that's been taken down since this post went online.  As a consolation prize, let me give you another Vine.  The French sports publication L'Equipe just made this Vine of a LEGO version of the poor Brazilian goalie. Aw, just look at his expressions:

The sports commentary in the aftermath of the match has been wild.  How do you describe such an epic performance?  It's World Cup history being made in front of you.  My crew and I ended up feeling bad for the Brazilians being destroyed on their own turf even as we marveled at the impeccable Germans.  You almost wanted a mercy rule to kick in and put Brazil out of its misery.  How the mighty have fallen indeed.  

The game summed up in a picture. pic.twitter.com/VWRouf1sHo

— World Cup 2014 (@PostWorldCup) July 8, 2014

Up in the ESPN booth, former German team captain Michael Ballack was over the moon, and who could blame him?  (Lookin' goooooood there, Mike!)

Updated. Michael Ballack. #BRAvsGER pic.twitter.com/Lh3ZhKRzfo
— Alexi Lalas (@AlexiLalas) July 8, 2014

The Netherlands take on Argentina today for the other spot in the final.  I like the Dutch very much, but I think a Germany-Argentina final would be just brilliant ... especially if (when?) the Germans crush the Argentines into dust.

Oh, and the German team is being classy in victory.  Good for them.