The only good thing about this mess has been the video clip montage in honor of the late, great John Hughes. I'm turning it all off and going to read my newly-arrived Percy Jackson books.
Not even the outfits on the red carpet have been fun; almost everybody looked awful, just awful. Zoe Saldana looked like an old-school animation cel that was half-melted in a studio fire. Either that or she brutally murdered Barney the Dinosaur and was wearing his purple pelt as a trophy ... in which case I would be forced to salute her. Rachel McAdams looked as though she had thrown a Monet into her washing machine and then worn the result. Jennifer Lopez's dress somehow makes her butt look as if it's going to take over Hollywood all by its gigantic poufy self. Charlize Theron's two weird swirls of lavender satin on her dark purple bodice look as though the fabric itself is making an indecent advance on her bosoms. Amanda Seyfried's gown looks like it was made from a shower curtain. No, seriously! I have a shower curtain that looks just it -- translucent plastic with a pebbly pattern. I know we're all implementing "austerity measures," but really? Even Robert Downey, Jr., whom I adore and who had looked so very dashing at the Golden Globes, looked ludicrously geeky with a bright blue bow tie. How many Smurfs died so you could have a bow tie made from their skins, Robert? Vera Farmiglia's fuchsia ruffle monstrosity absolutely defied description. It looked like the unholy love child of an accordion and a bedskirt.
OK, Sandra Bullock looks kind of cute at least. Kate Winslet's svelte silver gown isn't too bad either. Helen Mirren looks great because she's Helen Mirren, dang it.
The intrepid and long-suffering Nikki Finke is live-blogging (and live-snarking) the award show, and her comments are far and away more engaging than the show. This year's hosts, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, are catastrophically unfunny. The Oscars are as pompous and self-absorbed as ever. How about we just cut to the chase and figure out if "The Hurt Locker" or "Avatar" gets the Best Picture prize so we can all go home? I love movies, but the Oscar train wreck is too much to ask of any film fan. Oh, and if "Avatar" wins, I'm willing to bet James Cameron's egomaniac head will balloon to such a size that he won't be able to fit through the doors of the Kodak Theater.
E!'s hilarious show "The Soup" with Joel McHale just did their uproariously sarcastic "Soup Awards," and that was actually worth watching.
Hey, Ben Stiller just showed up dressed as a Na'vi, blue paint and all, to present the Oscar for Best Makeup. OK, that's kind of amusing. And since I know there's no hope that the show will ever get better than this, I'm leaving!
UPDATE: Aaaaaand the Best Picture Oscar goes to "The Hurt Locker," which I confess I didn't see.
4 comments:
I didn't even bother trying to watch this year. I lost interest in the Oscars when they ceased to be entertaining. I'm not sure what year that was anymore.
I'll watch for the red carpet fashion disasters, but that's about it.
I wish I could say, "I stopped watching the Oscars when Hollywood stopped making good movies," but the truth is, I never watched the Oscars.
However, your fashion commentary is well worth reading. I suspect the imperialist tendencies of Ms. Lopez's butt will only increase in appetite and tenacity in the coming years.
That's right -- JLo's posterior must be stopped!!
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