Kitchen Notes: Tofu Is Tofu, Not Meat!

Preach it, sister.  Real tofu is a glorious and delicious thing.  It's nothing like those atrocities that you see in fancypants health-food markets.  I love real tofu, but you will never in a million years get me to try tofurkey and its disgusting-looking ilk.  As for all the righteous-sounding excuse-making that vegetarians and vegans somehow "need" to mangle tofu in order to make meat substitutes out of it -- I DON'T CARE.  Making bad food is a crime, a sin, and an abomination. I don't care what the excuse is.   Do you know how I love my tofu?  WITH MEAT.  (Seriously.)