Monday Therapy: Best Business Card Ever?

It's Monday, so we're all back in the office or the classroom, and we might have need of business cards ... so I've found the best one in existence.  Of course it's a joke ... and a splendid one.  I need to come up with some awesomely hilarious cards, since the Opera Diva has done just that for herself.  I really want to put "freelance berserker," "scribe for hire," and "breaker of horses and freshmen" on mine.  For now, though, feast your eyes on this: