The Boys Are Back in Town: "The Grand Tour" Roars Online

A post-BBC Jeremy Clarkson, James May, and Richard Hammond - yes, that glorious triumvirate of bantering car fanatics from Top Gear - are back with their new show The Grand Tour.  It only took watching the first 5 minutes to convince me that Top Gear (still limping along with new hosts) is dead. Not just kind of dead, mind you. It is a smoking ruin over which Clarkson and company are cheerfully roasting marshmallows.

Seriously, watch the first 5 minutes of The Grand Tour premiere on Amazon Prime streaming. They are perfectly conceived, flawlessly executed, and absolutely amazing right down to the musical accompaniment.

As for what other people are saying? The Guardian says,"Clarkson and co leave the BBC in their dust."  The Telegraph titles its review "How Jeremy Clarkson's new £160m show blew Top Gear out of the water."

(As for the BBC, its review complained that the premiere episode's undeniable swagger was "uncomfortably hubristic." Well, as a friend of mine says, "It ain't braggin' if it's true.")  Some fans are as busy tweaking the BBC as Clarkson himself is:

Dear @BBC_TopGear thank you for sacking @JeremyClarkson His #grandtour show is epicly good.

— Eddie Bonelli (@eddie_BONE) November 17, 2016

I'm more or less convinced that the BBC in the final analysis grossly misunderstood the magic of Top Gear. It wasn't about the cars, not really. It was about the larger-than-life personalities who were having fun with those cars.  The way in the end to deal with Clarkson is not to contain him, but to unleash him. 

I'll leave you with the trailer. New episodes every week from Amazon! 

China's Extra-Wide Pink-Painted Parking Spots For The Ladies

Haha.

Taiwan: Driving In The Rain

This happened yesterday in the Old Country in Keelung. Wait for it ...

LOL: Deliciously Funny Car Decal

Generally speaking, I find these cutesypoo-sentimental car decals to be a little ridiculous, but if I were to slap one on my chariot, I could do a lot worse than this:

What Is the One Overriding Thing You Associate With the German Autobahn?

Now combine that with a bunch of nanny-politicians.

Headline of the Day: I'm Not Even Going To Ask

Seen in the Dublin Metro Herald newspaper: "China Ferrari sex orgy death crash."

Monday Therapy: Total Unhinged Vehicular Mayhem

Because no matter how bad your commute is, it can't be this bad.  Via Ace of Spades and the Cine-Sib, here come 13 minutes of pure insanity.  I don't speak Russian, but I think it's safe to say there should be a language warning if you do. I can't help but quote Ace too:

When you drive in Russia literally anything can happen - and does. If you watch the full 13 minutes of this video you'll see that the Russian driver has to be prepared for sheep, drunks, tires, trees, elks, front loaders, gun fights, power lines, helicopters, and even jet planes at any moment.
I haven't seen this many cars entertainingly crashed since the Blues Brothers. And yes wanton destruction makes me all tingly and happy inside.

I laughed uproariously ... and then watched the entire video all over again.

 

Honda Markets a Car For Women

I was kind of hoping this was a joke, but it seems legit.  Anyway, the car is pink (natch), and part of the marketing is that it has "a windshield designed to block skin-wrinkling ultraviolet rays." Oh, I laughed out loud at the whole thing.  The cutesypoo car is only available in Japan.  Somebody slap a Hello Kitty face on the hood and be done with it, OK?

On a related note, let's play with a certain stereotype, shall we?  Here's an actual bumper sticker with proof that somebody's got the sassy sense of humor to use it:

LOL: the World's Cutest Police Chase

Awwwww.  You should absolutely watch the video while playing the Benny Hill theme song in your head or for reals.

I'm Going to Throw Myself Into Traffic Now, Mmmkay?

No fewer than four people -- including my own dear sweet cousin -- emailed me this news story, so I have no choice but to mention it: apparently Ryan Gosling just saved a woman from being hit by a cab in New York City.  Here's the Gothamist writeup.  I like this quip and this headline.  Anyway, this is getting ridiculous.  Gosling's driving me crazy.  Absolutely crazy.  Could he be more perfect?  Don't answer that.  Because just when I think it couldn't get more unfairly stacked against my ability to resist, he goes and proves again that chivalry lives.  Gah!   

All right, fine, part of me wants to hate Gosling for turning me into a giggling schoolgirl, but some other part of me is having too much fun to care.  There's precious little fun to be had in Nerdpocalypse Now!  And still another part of me is not so secretly pleased that I can still even be a giggling schoolgirl after all this time being a cynical angry grad nerd and research-rat.  Hell, I should probably thank the man!  And as we've discussed before, being a serious scholar and dedicated teacher doesn't mean that you have to give up being a girl.  And if aside from annotated bibliographies and journal articles and academic monographs and conference papers and lesson plans I also like shoes and manicures and lip gloss and Ryan Gosling, FINE.  If you don't think I'm a real scholar because of those things, then I'm not going to bother with you.  OK, back to the delightful Ryan (though I still hate The Notebook and will continue to hate it).


UPDATE 1:  "And how much longer can he keep up this bonkers trajectory of human perfection?"

UPDATE 2: A hilarious open letter to Gosling by a frustrated guy: "Dear Ryan, Please, on behalf of all men, STOP IT! You're making us ALL look bad ... REALLY!? What's next? Are you going to rush into a burning orphanage and rescue babies holding puppies?"

UPDATE 3: Of course the Internet meme must comment:

UPDATE 3:  Behold the ugly aftermath.  I rant about it here: "Hey Girl, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished."

Satire Alert: Remy Vs. the Clint Eastwood Super Bowl Spot

Take a look at the delightful Remy's latest effort - a parody of the Eastwood "Halftime in America" TV spot that I had me rolling my eyes and longing for stupid beer commercials.  Remy, you deserve your own blog category tag!  UPDATE: IOWAHAWK!

Go ahead.  Make my day bailout.

Monday Therapy: the Dancing Filipino Traffic Cop

LOL: Road Rage

Road Rage from Nick Khoo on Vimeo.

Great Moments in Research: the Nano-Car

Dutch scientists at the University of Groningen have created a tiny car that's measured by atoms.

Wouldn't This Cause More Car Wrecks

As people try to aim for the mimes?

Hello Kitty Monstrosity of the Day: the Hello Kitty Smart Car

It seems to be owned by a San Diego Charger.  Is this another case of people having more money than taste?

Mashup Hilarity: "Top Gear" + My Little Pony

Via the Presurfer, who calls this video "worryingly well-executed"!  I laughed out loud to see Jeremy Clarkson's voice combined with a cute animated unicorn from "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic."  (You may remember previous hilarity with these cartoon horses here.)  Oh, do be sure to read the credits.

Monday Therapy: At Least You're Not This Guy

No matter how awful your Monday is or how dreadful your commute, surely your usual time behind the wheel can't be this spectacularly horrendous.  This video is a like a mesmerizing train wreck -- you can't bear to look, but you can't bear not to look either!

Where's Samuel L. Jackson when you need him?

Quote of the Day: Nathan Fillion on Carmageddon

To quote Kaylee Frye, "I love my captain."  Check this out:

29 hours till #Carmageddon. How are YOU preparing? I'm using trusty zombie apocalypse plan. Works for me.

Oh, geeky humor can be soooo attractive!  The impending 405 shutdown in Los Angeles is going to be a huge headache.  May I recommend that you stay home and marathon "Firefly" on Blu-ray?

30 Years of Technological Innovation

Rand Simberg has this photo.  Click to enlarge.  Hmmm.  Yes, yes, I know, it's reductive and cruel and superficial and kind of unfair ... but that doesn't mean it's not capable of eliciting a smile anyway!  Related recent posts here and here.