LOL: An Honest Trailer for "The Notebook"

I hate, despise, and abominate The Notebook.  This savage critique fills me with wicked glee. If you want Ryan Gosling, watch Crazy, Stupid, Love.  Trust me.  

Gentlemen, I promise never to make you watch The Notebook or indeed any other sappy rom-coms on Valentine's or Any Other Day. Instead, we shall watch Die Hard or a 007 flick.

 

Movie Review: "Gangster Squad" (2013)

LA Inconsequential

Whether or not you like this movie depends heavily on your expectations.  If you're looking for actual, serious (neo-)noir or mob action, you won't find it.  If you want a bit of colorfully pulpy disposable genre entertainment dolled up as a vintage fashion show with shootouts, then you just might have come to the right place.

LOL: Cookie Monster

Who doesn't love delicious Girl Scout cookies?  Here's a hilarious story.  The fact that the storyteller looks scrumptious himself is beside the point, right?

 

Movie Madness: "The Place Beyond the Pines"

Something to look forward to in 2013!  Gentlemen, Eva Mendes and Rose Byrne. Ladies, Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper. I don't like Ryan's chemical hair and uber-tattoos, but at the same time, I don't even care.  The only words that matter: Ryan with a baby.  Even this childless unmarried monster is instantly enthralled.  Here's the trailer.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas *Hic*

A bit of salty language so this isn't for little kids, but I think it's hilarious.  Enjoy!

Drunk History Christmas with Ryan Gosling, Jim Carrey and Eva Mendes from Ryan Gosling

My Crushing Depression Is Now Complete

First the election debacle, now this?  Ryan robbed again.  

My/his/our theme song should be Bob Seger's "Beautiful Loser."

Satire Alert: One Last Mudslinging Ad for Old Times' Sake

Ah, negative campaign ads.  Haven't we all seen more than enough this election cycle?  Hollywood.com has been playing with the whole idea by making a series of parodic smears against famous faces, so I give you my favorite.

Movie Reviews: "Primary Colors" (1998) and "The Ides of March" (2011) - Democratic Dirtbaggery!

In choosing a title for this post, I'm actually not being a partisan hack (this time, anyway), because both the movies I'm reviewing do explicitly state that the politicians in the plot are all Dems.  In fact, each one comes from writing (one a play, the other a book) that arose from their authors' engagement with actual political campaigns (respectively, Howard Dean's in 2004 (Yeeeaaarrrggghhh!) and Bill Clinton's in 1992).

Now I know I've moaned about how sick I am of politics (and I am), but there is a certain perverse amusement in watching these films during a hotly contested presidential election cycle full of skulduggery since both of them are indeed set in such cycles.  Art imitates life and all that, right?  Besides, Ides of March has not one but two bona fide Hollywood heartthrobs in the cast; in fact, as they swan around in smart suits and ties, they're so very pretty you almost forget that they're supposed to be reprehensibly slimy politicians. Well, almost.  So!  let's get to watching and reviewing, shall we?  The grand organizing principle for both?  The loss of innocence and the corruption of youthful, hopeful idealism.  (If you want something more comedic, try The Campaign (2012) with Will Farrell and Zach Galifianakis.)

Friday Fun Video: Awesome New "Gangster Squad" Trailer

This baby was just released yesterday, and it's gorgeous in glorious HD.

Movie Madness: Toronto International Film Festival 2012

TIFF is now in full swing, and film fanatics everywhere are delighted.  Here's a quick rundown of the movies foreign, Canadian, and American that are buzzing with Oscar bait and big names like king of the universe Joss Whedon, "Sexiest Man Alive" Bradley Cooper, and ridiculously beautiful Canadian native son Ryan Gosling.  UPDATE: LOL!

Happy Canada Day, Eh?

Our neighbor to the North celebrates her 145th birthday today.  Happy Canada Day, everyone!  This celebrations of all things Canadian also gives me the perfect excuse to post this little video with one of our favorite Canadians:

Get More: Movie Trailers, Movies Blog

Ryan Gosling Blows Up the Internet. Again.

Maybe he really does have the best guerrilla PR team in history. This video from 1991 is currently setting the Internet on fire, and a gajillion people have emailed it to me, so I have no choice but to post it.  Yes, that's 11-year-old Ryan Gosling with his sister Mandi at a talent show.  I suppose this is what the "Disgustingly Cute" tag has been waiting for all this time.   UPDATE:  Here's the tale of that recording.  I guess you never know what kind of dirt your childhood friends and neighbors might have on you!  (What a terrifying thought.)

 

Fashion PSA: Suit Up, Guys

I stumbled across this hilarious image online, and I simply had to post it because ... well, I think it's mostly true.  I even gave you a real-life bit of evidence after the fold.  Oh, and you'll recall my previous bit of fashion advice. (What do you think, La Parisienne?)

Movie Madness: "Only God Forgives"

You'll recall that I was all kinds of excited about this flick.  Now here are some photos from behind the scenes.

DVD Movie Review: "Blue Valentine" (2010)

Heartbreak Hotel.

In this unflinching, often painful, frequently grimy study of a once-hopeful love now gone off the rails, Michelle Williams turns in a performance that won her an Oscar nomination, but it's Ryan Gosling who will ultimately break your heart.

Rant: Childless Unmarried Monster, Part Deux

Oh, yeah, "unmarried."  So now I might not only be a childless unmarried monster, but I might be that because I simply suck at planning!   That's even worse than being a childless unmarried monster because I'm a selfish careerist b*tch.  Thanks a lot, Jezebel:

Still, there is a difference between choosing to be childless and just waking up realizing it's happening to you. Some women know, for sure: I don't want children. Other women work, love, live, only to discover that they've crossed an unmarked border into new territory, where everything looks exactly the same, only now you're that woman who never had kids.

That's just great! Negligent barrenness.  My unused uterus isn't bearing anything aside from witness against me now.  Let me post this too while I'm at it:

Movie Trailer: "Gangster Squad"

Official movie website here: 

http://gangstersquad.warnerbros.com/

As I told Alessandra, I am all kinds of excited.  I love crime dramas.  I love period pieces.  I love shootouts.  I love Los Angeles and vintage 1940s fashion.  And I love Ryan Gosling.  This flick has all these elements. It's as if the universe reached down and gave me a gift to get me through final exams!  As for the movie itself as period crime action story, I'm hoping for something as good as 1987's brilliant Untouchables.  Besides, it has a fantastic cast of some serious names.  I'll spare you my latest half-despairing, half-admiring statement of how Gosling seems intent on doing everything imaginable to break me down and drag me back into relapse every time I think I might have a chance to get over this embarrassing schoolgirl crush.  Period crime drama action now too, Gosling?  Really?  Really?

UPDATE: The Cine-Sib approves of the trailer and is pumped to see the movie itself.  He pointedly said that he hopes it'll be better than 2009's Public Enemies -- that is, that it'll be the great film that he thought Public Enemies should have been but wasn't.  I concur.  Ohpleasepleaseplease, may Gangster Squad be the awesome cinematic love child of L.A. Confidential and The Untouchables!

Movie Review/Rant: Nicholas Sparks Is a Talentless Hack and Not Even Ryan Gosling Can Save "The Notebook"

All washed up.

I finally forced myself to see The Notebook (2004) in its excruciating entirety a few days ago, and when the last scene faded to black, I heard an irate screech of "I hate this!" and realized I was yelling at my TV.  Yeah, that really happened.  Yeah, the ending is that bad.  In fact, the entire flick is that bad.  Not even Internet sweetie-pie and damsel-rescuing meme-meister Ryan Gosling could save this turkey, though millions of sappy moviegoers disagree with me.  Sure, that famous "kiss in the rain" was kind of hot, but that was one scene out of two hours of deplorable scriptwriting, hyperinflated melodrama, overcooked sentimentality, and bluntly obvious, ham-fisted emotional manipulation of the worst tearjerking sort.  Also, much as it pains me to say this, Ryan Gosling isn't worth your subjecting yourself to the torture that is this flick.  For your own sake, please, please go watch ANY OTHER RYAN GOSLING MOVIE.

Holy Moly! Disney Really Does Have An Army of Killer Cats?!

Alessandra and I were just a teensy bit flabbergasted when we read this little write-up today about 10 Secrets from the Wonderful World of Disney.  Just look at #2, will ya?

Each night at Disneyland, after the sunburned families and exhausted cast members have made their way home, the park fills up again - this time, with hundreds of feral cats. Park officials love the felines because they help control the mouse population. (After all, a park full of cartoon mice is more enticing than a park full of real ones.) But these cats aren’t a new addition to the Disney family. They first showed up at Disneyland soon after it opened in 1955, and rather than spending time chasing them away, park officials decided to put the cats to work. Today, there are plenty of benefits to being a Disney-employed mouser. When they’re not prowling the ground, these corporate fat cats spend their days lounging at one of the park’s five permanent feeding stations. Of course, Disney also goes to great lengths to manage its feline population. Wranglers at the park work to spay and neuter adult cats, and any time kittens are found, they’re put up for adoption.

OK.  We had first heard about this feline army in a hilarious exchange between Conan O'Brien and a certain charming Canadian, and I frankly didn't think much about the cat story.  I kind of assumed it was mostly a shooting-the-breeze kind of half-joking story.  But apparently it's for real.  This thing about Disney's army of commando kitties is for serious.  Good Lord! ... Ryan, I'll never doubt you again.

Hey Girl, You're Hotter Than Global Warming

As a rule I'm totally contemptuous of Greenies and celebrity environmentalism, but there are exceptions to every rule.  You go ahead and drive that Prius of yours if that makes you feel better, babe.