True Confessions: Instead of Watching the RNC or the DNC ...

Seriously! Instead of watching the GOP's and the Dems' dueling dumpster fires (*insert banjo music here*), I did just about anything else.  Sure, some people will complain that I'm not doing my civic duty or whatever by not watching ... to which I say, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY OWN EYES.

On one night (I forget which), I actually watched the following flick on Syfy instead. The thing is laugh-out-loud horrible, but hey, at least (a) it was entertaining and (b) I know for a fact that neither Sharktopus nor Whalewolf is going to be the next president.

   

Yup, that was the dude from Starship Troopers, another laughably awful flick. (The Robert A. Heinlein book on which it's based is much better. Trust me on this, will ya?)

 

Then I proceeded to binge-watch a bunch of shows on Netflix.  I'm thinking of giving the coveted Mad Minerva endorsement to this candidate or possibly this one.

Satire Alert, Final Exam Edition: Look, We Can Either Study Or ...

The end of the academic semester is always a grand display of sadism, masochism, insomnia, human folly, general misery, operatic despair, and - occasionally - flashes of mordant wit.  In that vein, enjoy this relevant bit of exam-time lunacy from the reliable McSweeney's.

Nerd Journal: As the Spring Semester Ends, One Last Lesson

Class is in session one last time.  Repeat after me: You do not give up your civil liberties and individual rights when you set foot on campus.

Got that?  No?  Write it out 100 times by hand then.

As a fellow teacher and I were just saying, thank goodness for FIRE.  Keep fighting the good fight, my friends.  Support and defend academic freedom, uphold the civil liberties of students (and faculty!), and abolish all campus speech codes!  (Why?  Because they are evil, muzzling, and blatantly unconstitutional, that's why, and because - to put it baldly - you do not have a right to never be offended.) 

Nerd Journal: Music for an Allnighter

Spring exam season is upon us!  We all know - with a sick sense of familiarity - that we'll be up at all hours for the next two weeks, so let's at least have some fun tunes:

Nerd Journal: FINAL EXAM APOCALYPSE IS HERE

Campus is hell right now.  Thatisall.

Nerd Journal: Doppelgänger Alert

Quite by accident I stumbled across another Mad Minerva here.  Now according to the lore of the doppelgänger, she and I must never, ever meet in person!

Nerd Journal: Internet Issues AKA Comcast Sucks Like A Black Hole

Seriously, Comcast, what am I paying you for?  Ridiculous.  

Nerd Journal: We Survived Final Exams!

My response is a combination of these two animated gifs:

Tasty Chinese

Here's an interesting post about language, translation, and usage.

I can't help including an anecdote from a big family get-together from a while back.  It was late, and some of us were hungry but too tired to go out, so one of my aunts offered to cook something quickly. How about some frozen dumplings?

OK, said my ever-ravenous brother. "What kind?"

"Big Testy," said my aunt (she's got a rather thick accent.)

"Big WHAT?" 

"Big Testy!"

"Big Testy?" he asked, just to be sure.

My aunt started getting flustered. "Testy!" she repeated. "Testy, testy!  Big!  Testy!"

My brother looked at me and smirked.  I knew exactly what he was thinking.  My mother looked confused.  We didn't bother to enlighten her.  My aunt opened a bag of frozen dumplings and proceeded to empty it into a big pot.

The brother then intercepted the bag before it fell into the trash can.  He read it, started laughing hysterically, and waved it at me.  It read "Big Tasty brand frozen dumplings."

Oh, man.  He and I still laugh about it, the Big Testes Dumplings.

Need A Study Break?

ARRRRGGGGHH, FINALS!

But if you need a study break (or five or twenty), you can go marathon TV shows on Netflix or go see Captain America: The Winter Soldier for the third time (something that I may or may not have done very recently).  

By the way, I know I owe you a real movie review, but let me just say this for now:  If you don't see this flick you are totally missing out.  89% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes?  BRING IT ON. 

I'm going to see the new Spider-Man flick too, but I'm frankly pessimistic.

Nerd Journal: IT'S FINALS WEEK

What Finals Week is saying to me:

My reply:

I'M BAAAACK. Here's a Movie Review, My Adoring Public!

Absence makes the heart grow fungus -- I mean, FONDER.  

Yup, I've been ludicrously busy in Nerdworld (it's conference season, my lovelies!), but I finally can catch a breath.  So here's a peace offering: Get ready for a ton of movie reviews all in a row, beginning with ...

Con-Hair

So in this Oscar-nominated 2013 movie's 1970s-era parade of brash con artists, ill-tempered Feds, corrupt New Jersey politicians, and the Mafia, just who is playing whom?  You'll spend two glorious hours trying to figure that out even as you marvel at Christian Bale's incredible comb-over, Jennifer Lawrence's bouffant, and Bradley Cooper's super-tight perm.  (Seriously, I'm surprised this flick didn't win the Academy Award for Best Makeup and Hairstyling. Look at Amy Adams' hair!  LOOK AT IT!)

I don't want to say too much about the elaborate plot because I don't want to spoil anything.  Suffice it to say that in the hands of a lesser director and a lesser cast it could have gone badly wrong, but David O. Russell and his gloriously perfect cast (there's not a single actor out of place) turn it into one of the best movies of 2013.  The colorfully quirky, larger-than-life personalities race, rocket, and roar through the scenes, and they do it with flawless style.  You know, "style" is not the first word that I think of when I think of "1970s," but somehow the sheer confidence and zest that the cast bring to the project make even the perms and polyester seem completely plausible.

The con is on with Irving Rosenfeld (Bale) and his partner Sydney Prosser (Adams), but when they get tangled up with a Fed with ambitions of his own (Cooper), the Mafia, and a corruptible politician from Camden, New Jersey (Jeremy Renner, as far from his Hawkeye role as he can be), the action kicks into high gear.  Add Rosalyn (Lawrence), Irv's total loose cannon of an estranged wife who just might throw a wrench into every plan, and you've got yourself an Oscar-caliber caper and then some (This flick was indeed nominated for 4 Oscars.)

In short, don't miss American Hustle.  As complex and sharply intelligent as it is compellingly constructed and occasionally laugh-out-loud hilarious, it is as visually irresistible and scintillating as ... as ... must not descend into a 70's reference ... as a disco ball!  (Dang it!)

Mad Minerva gives American Hustle a grade of A.  The soundtrack alone deserves it.  So does Jennifer Lawrence's sprayed-into-oblivion hair and Christian Bale's amazing transformation from gorgeous hunk into balding, paunchy Irv Rosenfeld.

RottenTomatoes gives it the bona fide Fresh rating of 93%.

American Hustle runs 138 minutes and is rated R for language (e.g., F-bombs galore), some sexual situations, and brief violence.

I'll Take That As A Compliment

One of my students just called me a "badass"!

Nerd Journal: With Friends Like These ...

Thor: The Dark World came out on Blu-ray yesterday, and when I got home from class, I found a copy of it waiting for me, courtesy of those evil enablers Count Chocula and La Parisienne.  I may or may not have played it 4 times in the last 48 hours while helplessly cursing Loki for being so wickedly splendid.  I'm not sure how it could possibly be any worse.

SHUT UP.

Sochi Opening Ceremonies: As Bizarre As You'd Imagine. Plus Geopolitical Nerd Fight

You just KNEW it was going to be a weird night when the Trololo song ended up in the proceedings and this happened:

As for the rest of the evening, I should preface this by saying that in my corner of Nerdworld, watching the thing with a bunch of fellow nerds turned into an argument about geopolitics. Whoever keeps trying to say that the Games are non-political is a fool.  You know, I wasn't going to bother blogging about the nerd fight, but why not ... You saw the ceremonies yourself and know the extent of its content. But you weren't in my living room. So if you want to hear what happened, it's all after the fold.

Obligatory Complaint About the Polar Vortex

I am frickin' freezing here!  The wind chill is in the negatives.  I can't tell if this is campus or the ice planet Hoth!  Stuff like this convinces me that hell is a cold place, not a hot one.   Perhaps my incandescent rage will keep me warm enough to prevent hypothermia.  Thatisall.

Nerd Journal: Exams Are Done!

Or, I should say, the grading is done.  Students panic and procrastinate before exams, instructors after.  Grading is, bar none, the worst part of this whole evaluative process.  Still, it's all over for this semester.  Time to celebrate!  I'm too darn tired to hit the dance floor, so I'll let someone else do it instead.

 

Bust a move.

Nerd Journal: FINAL EXAMS ARE UPON US!

Need I say more?  Regular posting and commentary will return after exams!

Finals. Yeah, it's like that.

This Isn't Fun Anymore

I guess by "this" I mean observing and commenting on domestic and foreign politics.  The inmates are running the asylum.  Everywhere I turn utter madness is running rampant.   Commentary via animated gifs below:

Nerd Journal: Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated

Reason for my prolonged absence? Two words: MIDTERM EXAMS.  I should be back online here soon.  Those of you who no longer have to deal with midterms as student or teacher, rejoice and be grateful!  I haven't slept in days.  Literally days.  I quit counting the number of cups of coffee I've been going through per day because I decided I don't want to know.  Is it possible to get coffee poisoning?  Ha.