Going Ape in Tenerife

What happens when the zoo veterinarian mistakes you for a runaway gorilla?

Meanwhile the different branches of the zoo staff might want to get on the same page finally, y'think?  Communicate, people!

UPDATE: The zoo has denied that the guy was wearing a gorilla suit.

Terrified By Screaming At 1 AM, Neighbors Call the Cops ...

Who rush in to find that the folks next door were just trying to assemble IKEA furniture.  

Hey, don't laugh!  If you've ever tried to put that stuff together, you'll be screaming, crying, cursing, howling, and throwing things in no time flat.

"Ghost Marriages" in China

Um ... ewwwwww.  When the term "grave robbing" appears in any article, the "ick" factor instantly multiplies by a factor of at least 10.  Imagine the response from feminists when they discover that women are being trafficked as objects and commodities even after they're dead!

Pants in Paris!

Congrats, women of Paris, you can now wear trousers without getting arrested!

LOL: Finding Yourself in Iceland

OK, I totally laughed.  I can't make this stuff up if I tried.

Woe, Canada: the Great Maple Syrup Heist of 2012

That's $30 million's worth of maple syrup gone missing from a warehouse in Quebec!  Here's a playful, Onion-like take on the tale.

Vancouver Bans Bagpipes

Oh, my!

LOL: Pandagate ... and the Quote of the Day

Oh, my!  Plus the quotation du jour:

"The thing about pandas is that they're the most useless evolutionary dead end ever to be preserved, at great expense, in the name of sentiment and nationalist flim-flammery."

Ouch.

Attack of the Zionist Sharks!

How did I miss this crazy Egyptian accusation that the Israelis are sending sharks to attack the Red Sea?  How do I even begin to make fun of this?  Oh, wait!  I don't have to!  Comedian Stephen Colbert will do it for me:

Israel Shark Conspiracy

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog</a> March to Keep Fear Alive

UPDATE:  I have obtained a photo of one of these Zionist Mossad-trained shark commandos!

Quirky Euro Files: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

Ummm ... what?   *giggle*

Downward Facing Doofus: Yoga Poses and Parking Ticket Silliness

From La Parisienne comes this loopy news story from Cambridge, Mass.  (Well, I'm not surprised at any lunacy coming from the town that harbors Hahvahd ... but that's another tale.)  I can only repeat and endorse the lovely Parisienne's comment: "You can't make this stuff up."  

I don't know about you, but if I got a parking ticket, I'd sigh and go about my business.  If I got a parking ticket with yoga poses printed on it, I would fly into a frothing rage on the spot because that's adding insult to injury.  In fact, I'm starting to feel a bit rage-y just thinking about it.  I've only ever seen one positive occurrence of someone enforcing parking rules, and I post it after the fold, as a thank-you to La Parisienne.

Life Imitates "Doctor Who" Update: China's Epic Traffic Jam Vanishes?

First there was this.  Now comes this weird update. Umm ... Doctor?!


But look at these photos.

Life Imitates "Doctor Who": China's Ten-Day-Long Traffic Jam Could Last Into Mid-September

Look at this and this.  Then look at the plotline for the episode "Gridlock" (which previously appeared here.)  That traffic jam went on for years until Ten showed up and cleared it (and had time to play with kittens along the way).  Okay, but I don't think a sprightly Time Lord from Gallifrey's going to show up and fix China's traffic jam nightmare.

Great Moments in Higher Education: Majoring in Magic

Meet a college Instudent whose major is magic.

(Or perhaps I should say, "ILLUSION, Michael.")

Nerd News: Outsourced Grading of College Papers?

Really?

If It Were Purple Rain, I'd Be Really Impressed

Purple snow falls in Russia.

How Do You Spell "Chile"?

This news story made me laugh out loud. There's photographic evidence of the spelling fail too.

Weather Apocalypse Now!

So by now everybody's heard about the massive snowstorm that's slamming into the East Coast. I'm amused, though, by this Baltimore weatherman who has clearly lost his mind:



Dude! It's SNOW. We've all had snow before here, all right? It's not the apocalypse. Just make sure you have a lot of food and stay home with your cable TV and Internet access.

Crazy Headline of the Day: "Australian dives face-first into deadly peanut-sized jellyfish."

I simply had to link this.

Nerd News + Life Imitates the Onion: Eliot Spitzer to Speak At Harvard About Ethics

I can't make this stuff up if I tried. That's right, disgraced New York pol Eliot Spitzer is talking about ethics to a Harvard audience today. Yes, Spitzer, who was forced to resign as governor of New York after that huge adulterous sex scandal!

Bonus: the madam who supplied him with prostitutes thinks this is crazy. How bad are things if you get scolded by a madam?

On all fronts, the hypocrisy is hilarious, but Spitzer takes the cake.