Oops, I Did It Again

The guy who inflicted Rebecca Black's gobsmackingly horrendous "Friday" song on the world has done it again.  This time it's even worse.  It's an unbelievably awful song about Chinese food.  Nope, if you want a song about Chinese food that's actually good and charming and not racially insulting, go here instead. 

Quote of the Day: Fools and the Prince of Fools

Via Smaizdata comes this pithy comment translated from the original Czech (this had appeared in a Prague newspaper):

The danger to America is not Barack Obama, but a citizenry capable of entrusting a man like him with the Presidency. It will be far easier to limit and undo the follies of an Obama presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgment to a depraved electorate willing to have such a man for their president. The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Obama, who is a mere symptom of what ails America. Blaming the prince of the fools should not blind anyone to the vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince. The Republic can survive a Barack Obama, who is, after all, merely a fool. It is less likely to survive a multitude of fools, such as those who made him their president.

Oh, dear.  Is it really that bad? DON'T ANSWER THAT! IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!

In Flagrante: Scandal and Skulduggery

Having trouble keeping up with all this?  Me too. 4 thoughts:

• Lance Armstrong, David Petraeus, and now Elmo?
• L'affaire Petraeus gets stranger and stranger to the point that ...
• This is now a headline: "CIA Director David Petraeus Is The Only Sane Person In His Own Sex Scandal."
• Something from history: Allen Dulles as comparison.  

UPDATE 1: So ... Paula Broadwell, Jill Kelley, David Petraeus, some FBI agent, General John Allen, all muddled up with military and security concerns.  One gloriously snarky wag just quipped: "It's not a love triangle. It's a love Pentagon."

UPDATE 2: The Onion strikes again with this fake headline: "Nation Horrified To Learn About War In Afghanistan While Reading Up On Petraeus Sex Scandal."

UPDATE 3: How bad is this train wreck?  Professor Drezner has gotten sucked in and is watching this mess as if it were a soap opera.  Yup:

Look, let's be blunt -- as a responsible foreign policy blogger, I should be trying to divert your attention away from the tawdriness that is the David Petraeus scandal.  There's no shortage of other interesting stuff happening in the world.  Things like Argentina's slow-moving debt debacle, or the discord between the EU and IMF over Greece, or even the possibility of the United States overtaking Saudi Arabia as the world's top oil producer.  

The thing is, I can't, I just can't.  I'm weak, and the way this scandal has metastasized is friggin' incredible. 

What the hell.  If you're going to watch, you might as well call in some pizza!

FREE ADVICE: Don't send stupid emails. Especially (a) do not send threatening emails to some other girl if you yourself are indulging in some big-time double-adultery, and (b) do not send 30,000 emails to whomever you're carrying on a fling with.  (Still, 30,000 emails?)  

RELATED: The Secret Service's not-so-secret services.  Insta-Prof - um- nails it.

On Benghazi and Petraeus Testifying (Or Not)

I get out of an afternoon seminar, and just as I'm breathing a sigh of relief that the weekend's finally here, this mess blows up, and I'm thinking, Really?  In terms of responding, I'm just going to quote an irate Ace of Spades because  it's everything I want to say:

Why Is Petraeus Not Testifying? 

I don't care if he had an affair or not-- you don't get a pass from answering critical questions on a major debacle simply because you also might have done something else wrong in your personal life. 

What the hell is this crap? Who cares if he had an affair? What does that have to do with Benghazi? 

I don't know he should necessarily resign over this -- apart from the security breach (which seems minor, if the FBI already says it's not expecting charges). 

But I sure the hell know he doesn't get a Get Out of Testifying Free Card. 

Testifying before Congress isn't up to your own discretion, when it's convenient for you.

UPDATE: OK, hilarious quip here.

Wenyi Qingnian (文艺青年): China's Hipsters

Are they as grating and annoying as their Western counterparts?  Let's do a fully international Hipster Olympics face-off to find out. I want video.  I am, though, rather amused by the article's snarky observation that the hipsters "like to engage in pointless and deliberately self-defeating behavior, all, it sometimes seems, for nothing more than the 'lulz.'"

Nerd News: Florida's New Plan for Racially-Based Educational Goals

OK, how is this not both stupid and blatantly raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacist?

The Florida State Board of Education passed a plan that sets goals for students in math and reading based upon their race. On Tuesday, the board passed a revised strategic plan that says that by 2018, it wants 90 percent of Asian students, 88 percent of white students, 81 percent of Hispanics and 74 percent of black students to be reading at or above grade level. For math, the goals are 92 percent of Asian kids to be proficient, whites at 86 percent, Hispanics at 80 percent and blacks at 74 percent. It also measures by other groupings, such as poverty and disabilities, reported the Palm Beach Post.

There's so much wrong with this that I don't even know where to start. The Florida State Board of Education sucks, and you can quote me on that.  

LOL: Finding Yourself in Iceland

OK, I totally laughed.  I can't make this stuff up if I tried.

Monday Therapy: Weyland Industries Training Seminar

Remember my review of Prometheus?  You might find this "prequel" amusing.

20 TED Talks Not to Bother Watching

LOL!  Usually I enjoy TED talks a lot, but here's a hilarious list of 20 that aren't worth your time.  #8 made me laugh out loud.  An  entire TED talk about how to tie your shoes?  Come on, people.  If you want a truly great TED talk, do watch this one, Hans Rosling and the magic washing machine.

The Ultimate Cookout

You cannot be serious!  Go take a look if you're ever in the Canary Islands.

"This Is the Dumbest Thing Ever"

Thus spake La Parisienne when she emailed me this story, and the lady -- as usual -- is absolutely right.  WORDS FAIL ME.

LOL: French Politician Quotes the Wrong Shakespeare

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

TSA Doubles Down on Cupcake Confiscation

Remember this bit of idiocy?  Well, the TSA is defending its actions.  You should click on the link if only to see the snarky PhotoShopped accompanying  image.

Dirtbag du Jour: Library Sends Police After 5-Year-Old Kid

You cannot be serious!

The Search and Seizure of ... Cupcakes

Controlled substance.

In case you needed another reason to hate the TSA: Officious, inconvenient, useless petty tyrants are now confiscating your cupcakes.  No, really!  Of course, perhaps the guy just wanted a yummy red velvet cupcake-in-a-jar.  Dude, you could've friggin' asked. 

 I've ranted endlessly about the TSA and security theater.  I'm sure this ludicrous war on desserts is really going to protect us from terrorists.  Don't touch my junk?  DON'T TOUCH MY GORRAM CUPCAKES.  Where's my Fourth Amendment?!

Oh, wait!  Maybe this is the unholy marriage of TSA overreach with Michelle Obama's annoying preaching that we should all eat healthier things.  It's now the Food Police.  GEORGE ORWELL, CALL YOUR OFFICE.  

The Great Norwegian Butter Shortage of 2011

OH NOES!   And right during Christmas baking season too!  I can't resist quoting from the story:

Last Friday, customs officers stopped a Russian at the Norwegian-Swedish border and seized 90 kilos (198 pounds) of butter stashed in his car. 

Food safety authorities then warned people not to buy butter from strangers, Norway's TV2 reported.

Awesome: "What Occupy Harvard Should Tell Liberal Elite Parents on Thanksgiving"

I had already mocked Occupy Hahvahd here, but this piece is worth a read.  Short version: displaying undisguised snobbish, self-righteous condescension and contempt toward people with whom you disagree will not incentivize them to hail you as their cultural and social masters.  Well, DUH.  Here's a piece of it:

What you tell him is that he should put his life in your hands. Yet you scorn his religion. You mock his faith in the sacredness of conception. You deride his belief in family. You tell him that his love for hunting makes him a murderer, and that his terror at being economically displaced makes him a xenophobe and a racist. Then you emasculate his hope for the future by telling him that if his ship comes in—that dream of a ship that makes the grinding disappointment of daily life worth living through—you’ll help yourself to a big slice of it. And you expect him to believe your rhetoric about fairness and equality when, all the while, you are accusing him of gullibility in his politics and bad faith toward the least fortunate of his fellow citizens. When, all the while, you are living untouched by your own policies. When you are cushioned against life’s hardness, not by government, but by simply knowing other people in your class. You expect him to buy your talk about equitable distribution of wealth when you are sailing through tax loopholes off into the sunset.

Idiot of the Day: the Litigious Intern

You must be joking!  In an internship you are paid with experience, not money, duh!  The undergrad dipstick probably has no idea how self-defeating his lawsuit actually is.  I'm gratified to see that another film student has a better grasp on matters:

“Wow. I'm a film student and I can't even count how many times I've worked for free on small independent films. Meanwhile this guy can literally put Black Swan on his resume. Yes you have to do a lot crap work in the beginning without little in return. But, if you do your job well people will notice and you'll eventually start working your way up. You know what doesn't work your way up in the industry? Suing companies who let you on their set.”