There's No Way To Say "Turducken" And Sound Dignified

Thanksgiving is coming up fast, so my buddies and I have been, in person and online, been happily obsessing about recipes.  The one that's always both fascinated and horrified me is turducken, so let's just say this is pure madness and a thing that spawns madness too. So here are three takes on this monstrosity:

I.   An actual recipe for the Ultimate Turducken.  Overengineer that sucker to oblivion!

II.  OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER: OH THANK GOD, THE USDA IS HERE WITH A GOVERNMENT-SPONSORED TURDUCKEN PROTOCOL TO END THE NATIONWIDE EPIDEMIC OF PEOPLE GETTING SICK FROM HOMEMADE TURDUCKEN COOKED WITHOUT GOVERNMENT SUPERVISION. WE'RE SAVED!  *throws handfuls of dry stuffing mix like confetti*

III.  The incomparable Iowahawk mashes up Churchill, Petraeus, Benghazi, and turkey into this hilarity:

Murder, wrapped inside a government cover-up, wrapped inside an extramarital affair: Benghazi is the Turducken of scandals.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) November 15, 2012