Sunday, August 03, 2014

Movie Review: "Lucy" aka A Movie That Sucks Even More Than "Transformers: Age of Extinction" aka Please Go See "Guardians of the Galaxy" Instead

I thought Transformers: Age of Extinction was the most idiotically conceived, stupidly constructed movie of the summer, and I was so mad that I gave it an F-.

Well, I've changed my mind.  I've found a movie that's an even worse insult to anyone who (a) likes movies and (b) possesses even the most rudimentary education in science.  That movie is Luc Besson's Lucy.

The whole idea of writing a full review of this piece of dreck is so demoralizing that I'm just going to link to this magnificent takedown and leave it at that.

On a personal note: I had gone to see Lucy with a bunch of friends, and at one point I apparently shouted out loud, "THAT IS BULLSH*T!" at the screen, because my companions started hissing at me, "Shut up!" (Unrepentantly I gestured flamboyantly at the screen: "BUT IT IS BULLSH*T!")

Yeah, Lucy is that kind of movie.  At moments I heard other moviegoers laughing out loud, so at least it wasn't just me.

Oh, and the only "good" thing about this flick is that part of it is set in Taipei, and for a few moments I got to see shots of a city that I love.  Then, alas, it's back to the awful plot where Scarlett Johansson overdoses on drugs and starts to levitate. I swear I'm not making that up.

Back to the grading: Lucy gets the F-.  Transformers: Age of Extinction now gets an F+. Why?  Transformers was at least unabashedly cheesy with no pretension to being anything else.  Lucy adds insult to injury by not only mangling science and logic and plot but also purporting to make some kind of pseudo-metaphysical, philosophical point about human existence.  Gah!  I'm getting mad just thinking about the 8 bucks I spent on this crap!  At least it was an early showing with matinee pricing.

I did just also see the utterly glorious Guardians of the Galaxy, so I'm working on a real movie review for it.  (UPDATE: Here it is.)  Please, PLEASE, for your own sake, do not see Lucy.  Go see Guardians instead; it's the movie that (spoiler!) I'm going to crown as the Best Movie of Summer 2014.

UPDATE: The Cinema-Mad Sibling liked the movie better than I did, and though he didn't say so, I'm pretty sure his reasoning is "Scarlett Johansson is hot, and she shoots up a lot of Korean gangsters, lol."  OK, fine.  He also suggests that the ending of Lucy could be a segue into 2013's Her.  That statement by itself has more cleverness than the entirety of Lucy.

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