Movie Review: "Wonder Woman" (2017)

New Girl.

Maybe I should have subtitled this review "I believe in miracles since you came along" since - contrary to all past experience and every expectation - DC finally managed to make a superhero movie that isn't awful! In fact, the "miracles" part comes from the stunning realization that this movie not only doesn't make you hate yourself for watching it (à la predecessor 1 and 2 whose titles I shall not type again to defile my keyboard), but it is by any practical Hollywood mea$urement an unqualified $ucce$$ (currently sitting pretty on a global box office figure of $650 million and climbing still). Even more shocking given DC's track record, Wonder Woman works as an engaging story in itself: it is a masterful blend of action, character development, charm, and actual human connection directed by Patty Jenkins and anchored by Gal Gadot (Gisele from the Fast and Furious franchise) as Diana of Themyscira and by Chris Pine (Captain Kirk of the new Star Trek) in his supporting role as WWI pilot Steve Trevor.

Movie Review: "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2" (2017)

Family Matters.

2014's Guardians of the Galaxy was a delightful surprise, and even though its inevitable sequel can't quite recapture that initial thrill of discovery, it still delivers plenty of the same kind of zany personality, irreverent zingers, nostalgic pop culture awareness, colorful CGI eye candy scenery, and retro soundtrack shenanigans that made the first Guardians so much fun. To be perfectly honest, I went to see this for 2 main reasons: Rocket and Baby Groot (still adorably tiny and twiggy but now out of his flowerpot and capable of locomotion), and on that front the movie delivers in spades.

The gang's all here again, along with some new characters, including an alien who looks like an Oscar statuette come to life, Chibs from Sons of Anarchy trading in his leather jacket for Ravager gear, a girl with antennae, and a figure named Ego who really, really, really lives up (or down) to his name.

The plot has its up and downs, and there is one detail arriving late in the film that is as unnecessary as it is horrifying and jarring. Still, the whole movie looks so darn pretty with bright, eye-popping fantasy CGI that its flaws are forgotten in a second. Besides, all it took was the next shot of Baby Groot to make me forget my complaints. Seriously, though, keep an eye on the film's overarching meditation on the meaning of family and loyalty.

As always, sit through all the credits.

Mad Minerva gives Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 a grade of B+.

RottenTomatoes gives the movie the bona fide Fresh rating of 81%.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 runs 136 minutes and is rated PG-13 for sci-fi action/violence and some language.

Here's the trailer: 

True Confessions: Instead of Watching the RNC or the DNC ...

Seriously! Instead of watching the GOP's and the Dems' dueling dumpster fires (*insert banjo music here*), I did just about anything else.  Sure, some people will complain that I'm not doing my civic duty or whatever by not watching ... to which I say, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY OWN EYES.

On one night (I forget which), I actually watched the following flick on Syfy instead. The thing is laugh-out-loud horrible, but hey, at least (a) it was entertaining and (b) I know for a fact that neither Sharktopus nor Whalewolf is going to be the next president.

   

Yup, that was the dude from Starship Troopers, another laughably awful flick. (The Robert A. Heinlein book on which it's based is much better. Trust me on this, will ya?)

 

Then I proceeded to binge-watch a bunch of shows on Netflix.  I'm thinking of giving the coveted Mad Minerva endorsement to this candidate or possibly this one.

Movie Review: 3 Superhero Flicks (2016)

OK, darlings, let's do this in chronological order: Deadpool, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, and Captain America: Civil War.

                 

Short version for the impatient: 

• Deadpool:  Irreverent, gleefully meta-misbehaving R-rated romp. B+
• Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice: As sleep-inducing as rhino tranquilizers and as vacuously pretentious as college freshmen. D
• Captain America: Civil War:  Imperfect but entertaining anyway!  A-  (Was there a teensy bit of grade inflation due to comparing this face-off with DC's?  You betcha.)

For those of you who want more details, read on!

Movie Madness: "Ben-Hur" (2016)

Here's the trailer for the remake of 1959's Oscar-winning epic Ben-Hur, and I am all kinds of unexcited about this project, even if it somehow got Morgan Freeman to bring some dignitas by sheer dint of his voice:


Maybe the remake will surprise me and actually not be a disgraceful insult to the splendor and substance of the real Ben-Hur (i.e., Heston's, obviously), but I have my doubts.  Heston won the Best Actor Oscar for his turn as the complicated lead character, and I am pretty darn sure nobody's winning anything for the action-filled mess that is the remake if the trailer is any indication.

"Remaking what?"

When I watch the new Ben-Hur and write a review, I might end up having to rehash my Exodus: Gods and Kings review where I said:

I seriously contemplated framing it all as a "I'm sorry, please take me back, I love you!" letter to Chuck Heston. 

... Come on, babe.  You know it's always been about you.

I should never have left Heston's Moses aside to watch Christian Bale's.  It was no contest, and the storytelling was garbage.  Seriously, how do you screw THAT up?  Well, in much the same way people are probably going to screw up the Ben-Hur narrative, I guess?  Come on, the story is supposed to be about the fractured ties between Ben-Hur and Messalla, and the all the trailer can do is have Messalla yell, "Are we having fun now, brother?" like a snippy teenager.  Is that really the best you can do?

Anyway, people tried remaking Ben-Hur as a TV mini-series back in 2010 (yes, this really did happen), and that project made no impact whatsoever.  

Dang it, stop remaking Charlton Heston classics already!  

Contemporary movies are getting to be so much sound-and-fury, CGI pixel insanity kinds of nonsense (with notable exceptions).  Maybe I should start doing reviews of more classic "old" movies to remind everyone, myself included, not to forget the great cinematic achievements of the past.  Sure, they were all made long, long before I was born, but I'm a history buff: we shouldn't become so engulfed in the present that we forget the things that went before and start thinking that the short-term, attention-deficit cult of Now is the only thing that matters.

Longing for a hero on a white horse?  How about four?

Awesome: Fan-Made Trailers for Original Star Wars Trilogy

They're delightful.  Here's the first one for your delectation:

Movie Review: "Spectre" (2015)

The world seems to be spinning into unimaginable lunacy and madness, so let us take a break and seek a tiny bit of cinematic escapism, shall we?  Bond is back, and here is my long-delayed review.

Live and Let Sigh.

The 007 universe brings back an iconic villain, but he and even Bond himself find themselves playing second fiddle in the end to traditional supporting characters who emerge from the wings to command the screen.  Give us a movie with Q, M, and Moneypenny (Ben Whishaw, Ralph Fiennes, Naomie Harris ... and why not throw in Rory Kinnear's faithful Tanner too) on adventures right there beside Bond, and we might be onto a great twist to this venerable franchise.  As Spectre stands, though, it is a mixed bag of forgettable entertainment with tonal dissonances that threaten to push the movie into the world of camp at the most untoward moments.  Skyfall this movie isn't ... and more's the pity, because Skyfall set up the Bond universe with a promise of new greatness, but it's a promise that Spectre can't keep.

I'm not saying that I didn't like the movie.  I'm saying that I thought it could have been - and should have been - better than it is.  I suppose in the scale of Bond we should be glad that this is nowhere near as bad as Moonraker or Die Another Day or (since we're in the Age of Craig) Quantum of Solace, but for a movie that purports to give us none other than SPECTRE itself and that casts the indisputably great Christoph Waltz as the villain, Spectre fails to live up to its potential.  Missteps big and little keep dogging it and dragging down the already-bloated 2 hour 30 minute running time.  Let me try to explain.  Better get yourself a martini shaken, not stirred.  While you're at it, would you mind getting me one too, darling?

This Is All That Everyone Can Talk About Right Now ... and Justly So

Movie Magic: Trailer Mania

Let us obsess about the 3 trailers that just hit the Internet in the last few days.  Here they are, with the best for last (of course):

Movie Review: "X-Men: Days of Future Past"

What's past is prologue.

The sequel to 2011's pretty good X-Men: First Class is even better as it brings Wolverine center stage for a daring mission to the past in order to prevent a disastrous future.  Icing on the cake: the past is the 70s.  Get ready for all the wide collars, long hair, and polyester you can handle, my darlings (American Hustle should have helped prepare you!), and enjoy a rollicking story with all your old favorites, a fascinating villain, and, perhaps best of all, the delightful surprise of a supporting character who absolutely steals the show.

Movie Review: Godzilla (2014)

Monster mash.

Watching gigantic radioactive critters level entire city blocks (in 3D!) has never been so much fun.  The iconic beastie who first appeared in Ishiro Honda's 1954 movie has become an international pop culture icon with his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and with this 2014 film he is back and better than ever.  It blows away the awful 1998 movie with a force as powerful as Godzilla's own atomic breath (would you like a mint, big fella?).

Friday Fun Video: "What a Bunch of A-holes."

Yes, yes, I know the trailer's been out for a few weeks.  I've been watching it for that long because it is hilarious!  It never fails to make me smile, and - let's face it - with yet another wave of frigid temps and sleet/snow hitting the East Coast, we could all use a smile.  Anyone up for a crazy space adventure starring a quintet of desperadoes with a 1970s Swedish rock band on the soundtrack?  Oh, Marvel, you had me at "space raccoon with an automatic weapon."

Movie Trailer: Arachnophobiacs Beware

The Cinema-Mad Sibling sent me this, and we laughed uproariously about it:

Movie Trailer: "The Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug"

Screw It, I'm Going To See "Iron Man 3" With My Peeps

See you later, darlings!  How I loooooove Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. 

Movie Trailer: "Star Trek Into Darkness" Trailer 2

YES, PLEASE!  Bonus: Bruce Greenwood is back as Pike.  I thought he was a fabulous presence in the first Abrams Trek movie, and I'm delighted to see him again.

Movie Madness: "The Place Beyond the Pines"

Something to look forward to in 2013!  Gentlemen, Eva Mendes and Rose Byrne. Ladies, Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper. I don't like Ryan's chemical hair and uber-tattoos, but at the same time, I don't even care.  The only words that matter: Ryan with a baby.  Even this childless unmarried monster is instantly enthralled.  Here's the trailer.

Movie Madness: "Star Trek: Into Darkness" Trailer

Holiday Shopping In a Nutshell

This is pretty much what the holiday weekend shopping experience is like - sheer laughable, incomprehensibly chaotic madness, and then you feel the sudden overwhelming urge to punch someone in the face.   You know I'm right.

Movie Madness: A Primer to the 007 Films

Thank goodness Skyfall opens today so I have some escapist cinema!  Since we're on the subject, AV Club has a neat little guide to Bond flicks.  It does, though, claim that Die Another Day is the worst Bond flick.  Really?  Worse than Moonraker?   (UPDATE: Another review of the whole franchise.)

I can't help adding my two cents: the best Bond ever is Sean Connery without question, but Daniel Craig has won me over in Bond's newest incarnation.  (Casino Royale was a roaring bit of fun.)  I never cared much for Roger Moore, not even in his prime (sorry).  One more thing: casting Dame Judi Dench as M was one of the best decisions the franchise ever made.