Film Culture Commentary: Completely Reductionist Movie Plot Summaries

Here's something for your amusement. Plotlines of well-known movies + reductio ad absurdum = hilarity! (Slight language warning.)

My personal favorites include:

• BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
• BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
• LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
• SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS: Layabout stepdaughter shacks up with seven miners.
• SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.
• SUPERMAN RETURNS: Illegal immigrant is deadbeat dad.
• TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.

You may also like 4-word-long movie reviews. Ah, brevity really is the soul of wit.