Historical Hilarity: A Fantasy Presidential Melee

Just think about this intriguing premise: "In a mass knife fight to the death between every American President, who would win and why?"  Here is one enterprising blogger's uproarious answer that considers every single president's pros and cons as if sizing up video game characters. A few examples:

John Quincy Adams. That man had a murderer’s face, a murderer’s eyes, and a murderer’s haircut. Based on these intimidating characteristics alone I’m going to say he makes Top 10. If he teams up with dear old Dad and they watch each other’s back they might even become crowd favourites until the portly lawyer is overcome by a rabid Jackson/Lincoln/Teddy Roosevelt assault.   

Jimmy Carter and a knife fight is a comical thought to me. Among the first dead would be my suspicion.  

Dwight D. Eisenhower has a solid military background, and in his prime he should have been a force to be reckoned with. That said, his penchant for negotiation and seeking consensus is going to infuriate Andrew Jackson. When that mad man comes after Ike without anyone to pull them apart it will be a duel worthy of a 14-part 20-second-in-real-time anime epic.

Barack Obama – for all his wonderful qualities – is not a scrapper. He’d probably try to negotiate an end to hostilities, and while seeking a middle ground some loon would get the better of him. In an arena full of knife-wielding war veterans, I don’t hold out a lot of hope that he’d make it through the first few minutes.

Bill Clinton is another big guy, but he’s a lover, not a fighter. He’d give it his very best shot, but I hesitate to say he’d last very long at all.

Or perhaps we can have a tournament with March Madness-style brackets!