Saturday, February 28, 2009

Satire Alert: "Dow Soars on NYU White House Takeover"

Iowahawk combines two recent news items (the silly NYU "revolution" and the current economic mess) into a glorious fresh satire.


NEW YORK - Major stock indexes posted broad gains on heavy trading early Tuesday on news that a rogue group of student protesters from New York University had taken over the White House and barricaded themselves in the Oval Office. The Dow posted a 1100 point (17%) gain in the first hour of trading, wiping out nearly all of its loss since January 20 and almost 35% of losses since November 4.

"Finally, we're seeing encouraging signs of sanity in Washington," said UBS market analyst Jane Cohen.

The market rally lifted issues across the board, with 87% of stocks showing gains. Market leaders included Apple ($116.05, +32%), Amalgamated Pachouli & Incense ($23.15, +53%), Keffiya Mart ($17.66, +49%), and ($41.10, +72%). The short list of losers included student loan guarantor Sallie Mae ($1.78, -78%) and General Deodorant ($0.83, -96%).

Go read the whole thing.

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